I choose the golden path

This entry is directly related to my earlier one about my dream of opting out of the web of life which you can read below.

About 3 months after having that dream, and still wanting to utterly give up on life, I decided that I would indeed choose the ‘golden path’. To declare this to the world, one morning, just as I was about to leave for work, I said out aloud to the world “I give up, I’m yours and I choose to follow the golden path”. And I opened the front door and stepped out. I closed the door and turned around to make my usual journey to the bus stop. But as I started to walk, a golden line appeared in front of me – much like in my dream. And looking up I noticed that the sky was filled with the criss cross of hundres of lines of web (for lack of a better word).

[It was like being inside a golf ball. If anyone has ever cut open a golf ball or peeled off the shiny outer layer, inside is nothing but what seems to be a ball of elastic bands wound very tight. So imaging the criss cross effect of being inside a mesh of overlapping lines.]

Most of the lines in the sky were a pale grey/white. But the odd one here and there was made of gold. And every so often a sparkle would travel along one of these lines of web.

The vision was as clear as day and lasted for quite some time – probably a good 10 mins. I marvelled at the sky and noticed that the golden line that I was on led to the bus stop. Whilst waiting for the bus, I was over come with the feeling of immense joy and felt like all the living things around me were sending me their energy. My skin prickled like the air had grown fingers and I could see streams of energy going from me to everything around me and vice versa. A bit like what you get with those static electricity/lightning balls.

At the same time I just knew/my soul remembered that we are all energy. I am the rock, the grass, the animals and they are all me. It’s such a weird feeling to describe – it was like every cell in my body suddenly grew a brain and said ‘YES – we remember this and this is how it really is’. Part of my brain was going ‘oh no…’ whilst the rest of me (literally every cell in my body) was singing with joy of connecting with this energy.

I was filled with such joy and happiness that I wanted to burst out laughing, but being at the bus stop with other people I thought that might be a bit weird – so I stood there grinning like an idiot. After the bus arrived, I got on, and in about 2 minutes the world had faded back to normal.

The biggest things out of that experience for me were:

  • Our cells do have their own ‘memories’ and they remember life on a different level
  • There are other levels of existence that exist as one at the same time with us – we just can’t see them. Like someone who is colour blind to the colour blue. They can’t see the colour blue, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
  • If we all could feel that sensation of connectedness and realise that we are indeed all of the same energy, then I think we’d have a better appreciation for other life – people, animals & plants. We wouldn’t kill each other, we wouldn’t treat animals the way we do and eat them and we would have respect for the earth instead of ruining her as we do.

Since having this experience, I’ve mentioned it to a couple of other psychics and they called this ‘touching the face of god’. Even in Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ he talks about a connection to the ultimate being/bliss/god. And I have to agree – that is exactly what its like. Connecting with ultimate energy, bliss, love & knowingness.

You can always opt out

In July 2009 I hit a wall to do with work, life and my whole existence really….I literally wanted to run away and join the circus or go be a hermit in the mountains somewhere. It wasn’t long after that that I had a really weird dream. It was all fantasy but it came with a clear message too which was like a slap in the face for me at the time.

In the dream…

I find myself walking along a path that turns into a strand on a massive golden spider web. I’m standing on it and because the web is so big I’m able to walk along it like a footpath and not get tangled up in the other strands. I desperately want to get off because being a spider web I know there’s a massive spider on it somewhere slowly coming towards me (and I’m very scared of spiders in my dreams and in real life). But I can’t get off because I’m afraid that in my attempt to climb off I’ll get caught up in the other strands of the web and get stuck. So the only thing I can think to do it to just let myself fall off.

I fall through the air, fall through a tree and collect a beehive on the way down. I hit the ground and when I awake the bees have swarmed all over my body and are buzzing angrily although not yet stinging me. Any big movements I make to get up or yell for help upsets them and they start to sting me…so I’m essentially paralysed unless I want to get stung. I see my family off in the distance and start yelling faintly out to them trying to keep very still so as not to upset the bees. Its an odd feeling trying to yell out for help through lips that are only just parted.

My family can’t yet see me but I can see them looking for me. As I lie there on the ground something insect like tries to crawl into my ear because it has something to tell me. At this point I really panic as I’m convinced its a spider trying to get in my ear. On one hand I know its trying to tell me something, and due to its small size it has a small voice which is why its trying to get into my ear (so that I could hear it)….but on the other hand I’m freaking out. So I put my fingers in my ears to prevent it getting in. Moving however gets the bees angry and so they start to sting me. After what felt like hours of silent internal screaming, my family sees me and comes over to save me. They pick me up and instantly I know everything will be OK and that my ordeal is over. However, Dad says “These stings will stay with you, and every year they’ll flare up and attract bees”.

That’s when I woke up. And I immediate knew what the message behind it was – no idea how…just a gut feeling. It was telling me that “Yes my current path is scary and yes I could drop off it if I wanted to (after all I have free will) and my family will save me and I’ll live a happy enough life. But I’ll always regret it and it will continue to bother me on some level for the rest of my life. But….the path I’m on is also a golden one and if I choose to stay on it, it may be a scary journey in parts but its also a magical and an amazing one…literally a golden path.”

And so over the next few months I stewed – do I throw it all in or do I keep going.

I decided to keep going. And my life since then has indeed been a scary but magical journey and I’m glad I’ve chosen this path.

Spider animal totem

I should also explain around now that by 2008 I’d been having regular dreams about spiders for the last 5 years or so. I always assumed these were as a result of living in a place where we had massive Golden Orb Weaving spiders outside everywhere and the fact that I was quite scared of them. But it was getting ridiculous – I would have spiders coming at me in my dreams all the time. Sometimes just the one, sometimes millions….all trying to get to me. At the time I would wake up terrified thinking that I had spiders in my bed as in my dreams they had landed on me and were crawling over me.

Randomly, the spiders came up in conversation with Julie and she explained that because I dreamt of them so often, generally that meant that they were my animal totem/spirit guide. Which I almost choked on given my fear of them. But she also made me realise that not once in my dreams had they ever bitten me. Julie suspected that they were after me to tell me things and that I needed to stop and listen to them. She also explained that if I ever saw a web in my dream that it symbolised where on my own life web I’m at.

A few years later in a guided meditation on meeting your animal guides I got to meet my spider guide. I apologised for my bad reactions to her attempts to get messages to me and she didn’t mind. She was just nice.

I still get the spider dreams every so often and I still occasionally try to kill the spiders in my dreams but I’ve learnt to let them get closer and not be quite so paralysed with fear as I once was. I’m not saying I’m not scared – because they still freak me out – but I’m slowly learning to control it.

If you regularly dream or meditate of an animal or even see one when you have your eyes closed – why not try researching its meaning in the various ancient cultures like Native American, Celtic, etc. There’s a lot of info out there on animal totems/guides and shamanism. You might just surprise yourself.

The Wings Are Real

So by now its late 2008 – and for the last 10 years I’d been having visits from an air disturbance and I was experiencing my ‘other’ dreams much more regularly – by now I’d learnt to tell the difference between a normal dream and one of my ‘other’ dreams.

Then one afternoon, as I was enjoying a drink in my backyard, I found it very uncomfortable to be leaning back in my normally comfortable chair. So I sat forward. I notice that I have this extra weight on my back….almost like wearing a backpack but it was very localised to my shoulder blades. So I shrug my shoulders trying to shake off the feeling. But this only makes me more aware that I definitely seem to have something extra on my back. The sensation was almost limb-like. Like I had sprouted an arm from my shoulder…I could feel the extra appendage embed into my current body structure. I chuckle to myself thinking “You know….if I didn’t know better I’d say I’ve just grown wings…”. The sensation is so real and life like – I can almost feel the feathers on them and I can definitely feel them extending themselves out and flapping about as if testing themselves. I’m so surprised by how real it feels that I start looking over my shoulder to check that I can’t actually see them. But there’s nothing to be seen.

So I think to myself ” O….kay….. this is new….”

When I hear a voice inside my head say “The wings are real”

*cue straight dead pan face, eye brow lift and tumble weed rolling by*

A few months later I’m lying in bed trying to go to sleep. I’m on my back when I get the urge to rollover onto my stomach because it’s too uncomfortable sleeping on wings (that is literally the thought that went through my head as I tossed over…before realising what I was thinking). I could actually feel the restriction of wing being squashed into my shoulder blades because I was lying on them. So I rollover and try to get some sleep when suddenly no only can I feel I have sprouted wings again but everything goes a very bright yellow/white. Even though I have my eyes closed I can still see the bright colour/light. Its so bright that I have to squint.

I didn’t know what to make of it all. I thought that perhaps I’d been a bird in a previous life or maybe I’d picked up on something angel like. My intuitive friend Julie Lewin explained that it was indeed an angelic experience. She explained that I had the ability to exist in both this plane and the angelic plane at the same time and that is what had happened.

At that time I was still struggling with even believing in angels. I was open to it on one hand but also skeptical having come from a very non-religious background. Now in 2012 I definitely believe they exist having had a few more experiences with them. I’m thankful for their presence in my life and I look forward to the day when I can hear them.

Into a new millenium and a trip back in time

This post covers the next bit of my life upto around 2008 and my two biggest events that made me realise I may be onto something.

So 1999 clicked over to 2000 without drama – none of the computer and system meltdowns happened that people were freaking out about at the time. Oh how we laugh about it now….

My ‘dude’ would still show up every now and then if I wanted him to…and sometimes when I didn’t want him to. I’d have random dreams mainly of every day happenings. The frustrating part was that these dreams would literally last only 2 – 5 seconds…like a flash. And I’d just be left with this memory of an everyday sort of event – like sitting at a computer with 2 screens, digging dirt, talking with someone, viewing budget information…random stuff that didn’t make any sense at the time. I didn’t pay it any attention and totally forgot about them within the next few days.

The most eye opening event up until that point in my life happened around 2001. I experienced a dream in which someone close to me told me something I wasn’t meant to know about a friend. The next morning I called my friend to ask if it was true – which it was. My friend asked how I’d found out, to which I replied someone told me in a dream the previous night. Although I was devastated by the news I was also shocked by the way in which I’d found out. The voice had been so clear in my dream – it was as if they were in the room talking to me. That experience was the most amazing I’d have for a long time.

Then in 2004 I had an even more amazing experience. On my way home from work – I was quite tired and sort of day dreaming my way through the crowds. You know how you can go on autopilot so to speak. I was standing at a set of lights waiting for them to change. The lights changed and the crowd and I went to move forward. But in that instant I found myself in what I’m pretty sure is 1850’s America – I think it was what people call the wild west. Very dusty and nothing but dirt around. I was in a smallish town where all the buildings were made of timber, the road was very wide, some buildings had a verandah out the front, there were saloons and brothels and horse drawn wagons/carriages. It was an odd experience because it was like I was riding inside someone elses head and looking out through their eyes. I was a young lady – maybe 18 – walking with my girl friend arm in arm laughing and chattering. We were walking along one of the wooden plank areas out the front of some of the shops. I remember looking down to see what I was wearing and saw a full frilly dress in blueish grey with long sleaves and buttons all the way down from my neck to my waist, and I had black shoes with a small heel . The shoes were too small for me because my feet hurt terribly. What really struck me was the smells of the place (this may not mean much to you but in this lifetime I have a thing about strong smells -in particular body odour). Not only did I smell (deoderant wasn’t invented), but my friend did too. I remember thinking ‘dear god I stink’ but the me I was riding in and my friend didn’t seem at all bothered. And then I was over come by another smell – that of horse droppings and urine. The air was thick with a urea-like smell and just a general horsey smell. I was so fouled by the smell and all the sounds that I didn’t notice we’d come to a crossing in the road. I stepped out and almost got hit by a passing horse wagon which snapped me awake and also sent me back to 2004. And there I was just about to take my first step crossing at the lights with the rest of the crowd. Only 1/100th of a second had past in 2004 (if any) but I had been in 1850’s for a good 10 mins. And what I was left with as I crossed the road was the urea smell lingering in my nostrils, the sounds of carriages and the distinct clear as day memory of the place.

1850s AmericaI’ve found an image on the internet which reminds me vaguely of that time period to help give an example of what I’m referring to. The city in the image seems much more civilised though from the place I was in. My town was smaller and rougher and there were no trees. The men were rougher – more cowboy type than gentlemen.

As I finished crossing the road the experience amused me more than anything. Although I was surprised it had happened it didn’t scare me. I remember thinking “well that was interesting” and I went home.

To this day I have no idea what that experience was – did I manage to slip into an Alpha state and so was easily able to jump to a previous life? Did I encounter a gap between the two realities? Did I move through that persons spirit that was for some reason where I was? As far as I can tell it was the first – I was so brain dead that most likely I was in an Alpha state and so jumped effortlessly to another life where there was a message for me. Again my friend Julie was able to advise me on this experience years later. She explained that I was there to experience my sore feet as that is a sign of being afraid to move forward – which I was at the time in this lifetime but just didn’t see it at the time.

Getting back to my dreams – Over the following years many of my random dreams started to come true- or rather I’d experience what I had dreamt. Bit by bit I would find myself experiencing deja vu…over the most normal things. Where and what I was doing for work, where I lived and what I was doing to renovate the place and even to the extent of pets I’d have. The down side was that there usually was 3 – 8 years between me having the dream and me experiencing it. The one thing I’ve learnt from the dreams is how to differentiate them from actual dreams that don’t come true. Some how the prophetic dreams are more real – the images are crisp and its from my point of view, and I have no control over them. Where as with normal dreams I have a bit of control over, I can play back or slow it down to suit and there’s a certain flexibility to the visuals.

At this stage there are alot of dreams which are yet to fulfil themselves. I look forward to seeing if indeed they do turn into experiences. And I know that there’s alot of dreams I’ve had that I don’t remember having that will turn into experiences also – so I look forward to that moment and the joy it brings me.

In the beginning….

Ok this post is basically about my experiences during the 1990’s – late highschool to early 20’s.

My first ‘real’ introduction to the otherside happened towards the end of high school.  Sure in primary school I’d hear stories of some kids playing around on ouija boards but that stuff never interested me – if anything it scared me.  All that changed in highschool during art class.  I was sitting next to a friend of mine and noticed her writing madly on some paper.  To me the writing was incredibly neat but I could also see that it wasn’t her handwriting either. She explained it was autowriting – and she showed me how to do it.  Since then, over the years I’ve done varying amounts of autowriting myself.  Don’t get me wrong – my writing isn’t fast or neat and most of the time its illegible – even today almost 20 years on.  My writing has morphed so that now I just  end up drawing a line and yet the answer/information is simultaneously implanted in my head.  Sort of like hearing a voice but its by-passed your ears and gone straight for the processing point.

When I first started practicing autowriting, I would just get shapes, or my hand would just do circles in the air for a long time.  (Funnily enough I only found out what the circling movement meant only 2 years ago – it means they are saying hello.)  And for many years the hand I used would get a icy feeling in the wrist.  It was almost like someones cold hands were clutching my bones as they moved my hand/arm around on the page – it was quite painful and would ache. Thankfully, the intuiative I saw in 2008 – Julie Lewin (www.julielewin.com) fixed my wrist during the session and haven’t had any problems with it since.

In my last year at highschool I remember another friend had brought a deck of tarot cards to school.  At lunch we were all looking at them and playing with them.  When it came to my turn to hold them, within seconds my hands began to hurt.  I had to hand them back fairly fast as it was just too painful to hold them. Since then I’ve not been a fan of tarot cards. I don’t know much about them but they are clearly not meant for me to play with.  I’ve since learnt I have more success with oracle type cards.

About 5 years after seeing my friend autowriting at school I had my first ‘physical’ interaction with something. I was living in a rented share house with some friends at the point in time.  I was lying on my bed, enjoying the afternoon breeze coming in through the window. As I lay there I felt someone put their hand in mine and hold it – gently.  I opened my eyes to find nothing there but my hand was still being held by something.  Funnily enough this didn’t bother me at all – I remember thinking “Fair enough…I’m holding hands with someone I can’t see…..interesting”.

Another time lazing about in bed half asleep I felt something on my chest. It was quite heavy and I found it hard to breath.  I remember thinking “Do you mind not sitting on me” and then the heaviness went away.

From then on for many years I would have someone hold my hand whenever I asked if anyone was in the room with me.  It was very comforting. And I started to refer to this being as ‘dude’. Silly I know.  And every so often I’d see a disturbance in the atmosphere shaped like a man. I’ve tried to recreate it in the image you see below – there’s a change in the clarity of the object/things behind him.  Can you spot him?

Example of atmosphere being disturbed by a presence

Occasionally he was even a bit foggy but this was rare. And thats how it went for a few years.

Welcome to my world

A couple of years ago I had an amazing experience that left me wondering “Am I psychic or just going crazy?” So I started blogging about my experiences in the hopes of sharing knowledge with others who are also going through the same thing.

Gosh – where to start??  If someone had told me 2 years ago that I’d be doing this – a blog about my journeys, and that I would be very much into crystal healing and energy work I would have laughed, rolled my eyes and left it at that. Two years ago I was working for the Government as a multimedia developer and studying acting part time.  The job had turned from something I loved into something that was making me physically ill.  But the acting was something I’d always wanted to do and I was loving it.  I still do. 

So why start a blog?  Well…recently I experienced a day filled with A LOT of coincidences/messages from the powers that be and a culmination of a lot of little things that I shared with some close friends.  One of them suggested I put this sort of stuff in a blog and now that I have a bit of time I can!

Over the last year I’ve been getting a lot of odd things happening – either people saying certain things to me or I’ve noticed certain objects/words around the place more than normal.  And its had me thinking for some time now that I’d love to be able to help people with energy healing/crystal healing – but because I don’t consider myself any good at it, when ever the healing idea came to me I’d squash it and just ignore it almost.  I can’t really explain it – on the one hand I noticed these events but on the other hand I didn’t….i just thought ‘yeah whatever…’.  A bit like being told to do something by your parents but you don’t want to.  You hear/see it but you don’t.

And on top of all that my house isn’t suitable to have a dedicated room to do this stuff in- atleast in the way I’d like to be able to do it.  But recently I had a overwhelming idea hit me that was accompanied by a really big buzz in my body too – and it was to be a mobile therapist.  When I visited my family during the day and started talking about the idea they pretty much laughed in my face and brought up all the negatives of doing any mobile service(ie self endangerment etc) let alone crazy hippie stuff….so that made me feel a bit silly and I thought who am I kidding – trying to do this stuff is a crock.

So later that night I drew some cards and in the process of doing a 3 card spread 1 fell out – a phoenix (enough said), and the other 3 were basically : angels watch over you to ensure success; you’ve been chosen to be a spiritual warrior and you need to have courage/ don’t sell yourself short when it comes to your intuition; and thirdly – you’ve become lazy but don’t underestimate yourself.  I’m a master of procrastination so the last card didn’t suprise me:) And although I thought  “oh how nice to have that upper level support”, I was still thinking “but seriously I don’t know what I’m doing so no point”.

Later that night I meditated using my new lepidolite crystal and I had an amazing experience….basically a heavenly being came into me/very close that he seemed to surround me cause of his size (he was very big and in a pale yellow golden light) and basically said ‘see you can do this stuff’ although he did say it in a nice way.  And he said that I was an earth angel and that my wings were real (I had heard some one say ‘the wings are real’ many years ago when I first started having experiences so it was a suprise to hear it again – I’ll write about that in another blog).  And he said that my best way of helping others when I am a mobile therapist is to bring out my wings and embrace my angel side and its through that aspect I can channel healing. Gulp!…  ahhh I mean…  WOW!

That night/morning I woke up but it was still dark so I tried to go back to sleep but then  the dog woke up and wanted to go to the toilet so I had to get up to let her out and noticed the time was 4:44 am.  I thought to myself as I jumped back into bed that I must remember to check out that number on the internet the next day….and just as I was falling asleep something fell down causing me and the dog to fly from the room thinking we had intruders in the house only to find that some things had fallen over.  So since I was now WIDE awake I looked up 444 on the net and lo and behold it was ‘your on your path and your surrounded by angels’.

So it seemed to me to be a bit of a day of some mental slapping from the spirit world as I’ve been feeling very lost and unsure of my next steps – just treading water so to speak… but I’ve always had faith that the universe provides because my entire work history has been one co-incidence after another.  Something has always happened to me that has sent me off into a career…usually at the point where I’ve given up hope.  That will be a story for another blog post.

Its been a strange old world of late and now I am beginning to see the little hints and coincidences that the other side send through on a more regular basis. We ask questions and expect answers rather quickly.  I’ve learnt that that’s not how it works. The other sides idea of time is different to ours. We like to have/know things NOW but that’s not how angels/guides/etc work.  “Soon” for me means within the next couple of weeks maybe months at worst….but I’ve learnt that “soon” to the otherside means like 3 – 5 years of my time.  Or atleast thats been my experience.